I fall into the normative bucket of Americans who claim to despise Neymar without really knowing much about the man. I recall the hype surrounding him as a youngster in Brazil, watching video clips of Neymar playing for Santos, dribbling around the pitch with his signature Rufio mohawk and breaking grown mens' ankles. I remember his graduation to Barcelona and his subsequent move to Paris, in the most expensive player transfer of all time. But there was a common thread following Neymar everywhere he went and one that showed no sign of changing: his diving.
No athletic attribute is more coveted by Americans than toughness. While most stateside fans are more forgiving when it comes to soccer, we won't tolerate constantly writhing little pansies.
In American futbol zeitgeist, Neymar is one of those pansies. His theatrics are unbecoming of a grown man and below bar for the American palate, but his talents remain undeniable.
Only a blind dipshit could watch Neymar and not recognize his skill. For every flip, flop, dive, and dodge, Neymar will do something to earn being called one of the world's best. God built him like a tween girl but Neymar still managed to become one of the best forwards alive. If he didn't dive so much, I wonder if he could be treasured in the same way as CR7 or his now-again teammate Leo Messi.
I say all of this to prime you for what will be a review of the Netflix series "Neymar: The Perfect Chaos". While obviously bias, I'm capable of going into this thing with an open mind. I hope he addresses my judgments head on and doesn't shy away from the touchier subjects like getting dumped by Nike due to rape allegations and his contractual tomfoolery when moving to Europe. This is the recipe for Neymar to win this American over.
Even if we all hate this thing, Netflix has our back. They're kind enough to be launching "I Am Georgina" just days after the Neymar show. "I Am Georgina" is a docuseries following Christiano Ronaldo's smokeshow baby-mama and can serve as a cleanser in case "The Perfect Chaos" is steaming hot garbage.
Primer
Off the jump, the name of the Neymar series reads like pseudo edgy bullfuck. Whether it was a douche Netflix intern or Neymar himself, titling something "Perfect Chaos" is way too on the nose to be taken seriously. "Neymar: The Calm Storm". "The Cool Flame". "The Quiet Thunder". "Neymar: Loyal Renegade". Just take a sexy noun and precede it with an adjective that contradicts the typical nature of the noun. This is 101 level juxtaposition.
I genuinely want my mind to be changed about Neymar, but I'm keeping my expectations level. I like the part of the preview where he states to the audience "Are you mad? Then stay mad," over clips of him taking dramatic flops on the pitch for different teams throughout his career. You can't argue with his professional success, so if he owns the diving as part of his style and does it unapologetically, I will have to respect him for it. Onward.
Spoilers Ahead
Episode 1
The show is cut in a way that jumps around from different stages of Neymar’s life to help tell the linear story of his career. Neymar speaks directly to the documentarian and additional ass-kissing is provided by the likes of his family, people from his past, Messi, Beckham, Mbappe, and even Pele. Netflix pulled out all the stops for this one.
It's hard to not enjoy his attitude. Neymar doesn't come across as perfect in the first episode of this docuseries, but he appears to operate on an enviable level of happiness most of us only find achievable with the assistance of SSRI's. As of the show's release, Neymar is inching dangerously close to 30 but clearly acts more like I did in my teens/early 20's -- and why not? Some professional athletes continue to act like rapid beasts well into adulthood and only envy makes me want to criticize them for it.
Neymar's father comes across as stoic and business-driven, heading NR Sports -- a management company of 215 employees solely dedicated to running Neymar Jr.'s life and career. It was nice to see the contrast in how Neymar Jr. treats his own son. The cameras are on, of course, but he showers his son with attention and it all seems pretty genuine. Neymar seems as equally generous with his younger fans, gladly taking pictures and signing autographs even when he was out to eat, etc. I say all of this with a grain of salt as we know he is on his best behavior with the cameras on, but truthfully, when is this guy not on camera? So far, I'm convinced we're seeing who he really is.
I'm far less interested in his personal life as I thought I might be. Really, I'm here for the footy. Lucky for me, they included an absolute gem of a game I wasn't fully aware of until viewing the doc.
Episode 1's linear story predicability chronicles his time playing as a youngster for Santos. Of course, Neymar pulls some diva bullshit, but it all feels instantly forgivable considering he was a teenager. A lot of us like to think we would behave like monks even if we became millionaires at fourteen, but most of us would end up as massive assholes, drug addicts, or burnouts.
Neymar mostly avoided these traps and helped Santos rise to the Copa Libertadores final -- or what Americans might refer to as the "South American Champion's League". The scenes from this game are incredible. The stadium looks massive and the atmosphere feels more like a war zone than a football match. Fireworks, flares, smoke: all of the necessary ingredients to help turn a sport into something even more exciting and dangerous. I want to be there.
Neymar scored the opening goal in the 2nd leg of Santos's 2-1 Final victory, over Uruguayan side Penarol, to bring his run in Brazil to a storybook end. He would have been around 19 years old at the time and it makes more sense why he is treated like a living God in his home country.
The first episode is a solid entry. I wish there was even more focus on the footy, but I didn't expect it either. The propaganda felt minimal and the cinematography is phenomenal. Well done, Netflix.
Extra Spoiler: “I am Georgina” was a bust. If you’re looking for some Kardashian-type drama, you won’t find it here. Georgina/Big Ron come off as relatively normal people who grew up in modest settings and now find themselves disgustingly wealthy. Not a ton of titillation or footy. Only those desperate to peel back the curtain will thoroughly enjoy this but credit is due to Netflix for putting together something solid. Maybe the world needs to see more of the daily lives of decent celebrities over feigned dramatics.
Episode 2
Neymar is playing for Barcelona now and is feeling out of his depth -- understandable for a man still aged 19 years. Neymar commenting that he couldn't believe he was playing alongside professionals he most notably recognizes from playing video games is a wild thing to hear. Also, Messi comforting Neymar after a particularly defeating match helps add some humility to the seemingly steady bravo of the Brazilian. Neymar learns to relax and everything is peachy.
Onto the 2014 World Cup and side note: The women of Brazil are clearly obsessed with him. Must be difficult.
Neymar takes a dive during one of the games, and Marcelo desperately tries to bring him back to his feet, but for the 3rd time in his life, this is a big and legitimate issue. This had to have been a true bummer for anyone playing for their country and going down early like this. Brazil go on to lose, and if you don't recall this 2014 final, Germany smashed home-turf Brazil 7-1. Cruel. Everyone is sad.
This 2014 Brazilian team was such a classic throwback for me. Neymar. Oscar. David Luiz. Hulk. I wasn’t rooting for/against Brazil, but this team is certainly engrained in my mind as expectations for the hosts felt through the roof.
2015 Barcelona was a real trip, as well. The MSN combo of Messi/Suarez/Neymar almost felt unfair. Together, they managed to clinch the La Liga title, Copa Del Rey, and Champions League glory all within one season. Not shocking but still impressive stuff.
In his last season with Barcelona, Barcelona comes back from a 4 goal aggregate deficit to knock PSG out of the Champions League round of 16. Neymar scored on a free kick, a penalty, and set up a goal in the last 30 seconds of the game. This feels like a movie script.
He played so well that PSG bought him. Speculation around why Neymar left Barceonla is stupid. True his own comments, Neymar fires from the hip and isn't afraid to take risks. I can understand why being the flagship star of one of the worlds most popular cities, flagship star of their insanely wealthy club, and flagship star of the entire French league could have its appeal. There are so many old white guys confidently filling in the blanks as to why Neymar left Barcelona. This is pretty annoying.
A bunch of people with a fraction of his skill are giving him shit for a variety of different reasons. This this one guy below is reading Neymar’s mind and providing commentary. The guy is filling in so many blanks for Neymar. So what if Neymar makes supurfulus dribbles in the midfield? As if he somehow removed this aspect of his game he would have transcended Ronaldo and Messi in the invisible list of the world's best footballers. What if he was only ever going to be third in that race and could only achieve third by playing in his own loose and fun style? What if he made all of these changes suggested by lower-tier analysts and became something worse than third? Speculating in this way is typical journalistic laziness.
They know his physical injuries are mostly in his mind and know his deepest life-regrets:
This episode feels like it has the most football of the three, and for this, I am grateful.
But then he is accused of rape. I translated the Portuguese sexting between Neymar and his accuser — it was pretty spicy to say the least. The doc shows a video recorded after the alleged incident where the girl hits him and accuses him of assault. I don't think the video helps or hurts anyone's argument, so this addition just leaves me undecided and with more questions. They do not, however, mention the sexual assault allegations brought forward against Neymar by a Nike employee, which subsequently led to his release from the brand. This could be a timing issue with when this was recorded or an attempt to not belabor the point. Either way, no one will be further convinced of Neymar being a slime ball or misinterpreted playboy.
Episode 3
Episode three felt superfluous. You could skip this episode entirely and I’m not sure it would matter.
The most interesting personal takeaway I got from the show was odd dynamic between Neymar Jr. and his father. His father operates the business surrounding Neymar, but their personal relationship clearly took a hit in the process. They are business partners more than family. This would feel more sad if there wasn’t so much genuine care between Neymar Jr. and his own son. It feels like he dotes over his own son as compensation. I could just be projecting my own thoughts onto the situation, but it selfishly makes me feel better about the show ending on such a dull note.
Synopsis
Despite not hitting all the notes I wished for, "Neymar: The Perfect Chaos" is worth a watch because of how it's put together. The Netflix archive is full of footy-related material, but few are produced with the style and beat of the Neymar docuseries. After noticing Lebron James' producer credit, no one should be surprised that this thing feels largely like pro-Neymar propaganda and not some in-depth op ed. We're better off for it though, as times are heavy enough and an easy watch is exactly what we need.
I've viewed each episode about three times, so I'm officially sick of this thing. But give it a go. You will enjoy it, if only for the production value and footy.
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