Not All of Those Who Wander Are Lost, But I’m Lost and Could Use Some F***ing Direction

The first Austin FC game of 2022 was a painfully cold event but fantastic way to kick off the season.  Most teams would show improvement against a club as wretched as Cincinnati FC, but Austin dominated their lesser foe.  We’re probably going to win the cup.  Despite the copious amounts of alcohol, abundance of goals, and good company, I still felt a bit lost when the game was in the bag and everyone began sidebar around the topic of world football.

This doesn’t mean I’m ungrateful or not fully committed to the Austin FC machine.  Welcoming a team to the city I adore has been a beautiful experience and one I will forever cherish.  I just need a European muse to feel whole again.  I can’t stand it much longer.

This thing is going to take time, but some of the habits I’ve developed as temporary distractions are less than ideal.  I’ve signed up for more online subscription services than I would like to admit (see: Thrive Market, Bespoke Post, and Pornhub Premium) and dove deeper into my obsessive purchasing of Nike sneakers, as evidenced by my most recent/expensive purchase to date — I give you:  The Kylian Mbappe Nike Air Max 98 ‘21st Birthday’

I don’t much about Kylian Mbappe and can only reference his play from Champions League games and the odd French match where PSG undoubtedly slaughtered some Ligue 1 crony.  However, I can state with certainty that his signature Nike sneaker is ridiculously comfortable, stylish, and worth every inflated penny you will need to spend on a pair since they released in 2019.  They’ve helped keep my mind off of things for around a month.  Money well spent. 

Beyond the StockX soccer-star sneaker trap, there is a team who captured my heart in late 2021: Venezia FC.  I started noticing new habits forming the more I watched this Italian team and became invested in their success.  I pinch my fingers together like a tulip and expressively flick my wrists when a call doesn’t go their way.  I do the chef’s kiss when they score.  I’ve bought more gold jewelry.  I eat wine and pasta for breakfast, lunch and dinner.  “Gomorrah” (Season 1 only, of course) replays endlessly on my office flatscreen.  I smoke cigarillos now.

Venezia FC is the dreamiest club on the planet and could be the dreamiest club of all time.  They burst into the world-soccer zeitgeist just prior to this season with the debut and subsequent marketing campaign for what would be the most attractive kit on the planet and maybe the most attractive kit of all time.  I purchased the kit but my auto-fill settings unknowingly shipped it to my old apartment.  Someone in north Austin was recently gifted one of the sharpest kits of all-time, and for that, you’re welcome.

Of course the hot Italian babe adds to the kits’ overall sense of style, but even on its own, this kit is unquestionably dynamite.  (Said hot Italian babe is actually Greek — but who really gives a shit?)  The hype around this kit was enough to encourage a soccer drifter like me to look deeper into the team behind the drip.

I was not disappointed.  Even a scrub team from the bitterly cold hell-scapes of England could accidentally create a jaw-dropping kit, but Venezia’s appeal certainly doesn’t stop there.

The team’s home turf is a unique specimen.  Set in the magical city of Venice, Italy, the Stadio Pier Luigi Penzo is flanked by a canal to the west and sits below a marina to its north.  The entire thing seems totally out of place in the most beautiful way possible.

There’s something to be said about the conveniences of modern stadiums and the distracting comforts they provide — but if The “Penzo” was just another modernized behemoth, the entire vibe would somehow feel less like a dream built from necessity and more like a calculated attempt for revenue.  This stadium looks run down by Stateside standards but evokes intrigue beyond any arena I can think of.  Opened in 1913 and named after a World War I pilot, it’s almost unfair how much innate class this stadium owns.

The Penzo holds just north of 11,000 spectators which only adds to the charm.  There are strange staircases on the exterior, orancio & verde plastic seats, and no luxury boxes in sight.  Players take a boat to reach to the stadium.  This team feels made up.

What will hold them back is their lack of success this season.  As of writing this, Venezia sit in the relegation zone of the Italian top flight and will need another miracle to stay at this level — their first miracle being their promotion from Serie B last season.  They even released a photo book chronicling their resurgence to Serie A, and I own a copy because I’m their most authentic American fan to jump on their bandwagon since the summer of 2021.

You might find that Venezia FC has some familiar faces.  Manchester United’s former backup keeper, Sergio Romero, and United’s former wingman, Nani, both joined the club this season.  You might also recognize Gianluca Busio, a young and talented American midfielder who joined Valencia from MLS side Sporting Kansas City this past summer.  Even with a modest dash of star-power, the team is still struggling and could realistically be battling for promotion again next season.  These types of struggles can be difficult to watch unless you have strong ties to the club or city.  I fear this will hurt Venezia, that is unless they can wow the world again with yet another beautiful kit design for the ‘22/‘23 season.

Either way, Venezia FC have carved out a soft spot for themselves in my heart, and I’ll be rooting for them.  I can’t say their going to be my longterm solution, but I’ll be supporting them financially from across the drink, as long as they keep expertly building their brand in this truly unique way.

If your looking for a new European club or interested in checking out a one-of-a-kind organization, I highly recommend tuning into a game.  Forza Venezia.

In honor of this post, I made the following.  You can buy it on Etsy.  Contact me and we can work out a much cheaper price:

Afterthoughts:

I started following Brighton a bit too.  I’m a sucker for a team near the water, and Brighton’s playing style can be electrifying when at their best.  Through sick & twisted fate, Brighton played Newcastle yesterday and lost.  As mentioned before, Newcastle was earmarked as my backup team if things soured with Manchester City.  Oh, the irony.  The other day my friend asked me if Graham Potter was still their manager and I didn’t immediately recognize his name.  I’m legit.

RB Leipzig is cool too.  As a man who just recently decided that Saudi oil-money isn’t the Righteous Way, I can easily sleep at night casually supporting an energy drink conglomerate.